I am really sorry that my last post scared people (I have to admit, I was pretty scared too!) but I appreciate the concern you all showed. Yes, it WAS a bad situation but not to worry…I have very qualified and competent professionals who care and who DID care for and about me. I have collected the very best Circle of Trust around me and they lifted me up through the terrible time I went through.
Yes, if you feel as low as I did…call for help. Call your friend, your bestie, your mom…your therapist. Call 911. Call a helpline. Whatever you do, call. I probably should have done that and believe me, it’s in my speed dial now. All of my circle is in my speed dial. I only have to hit it. Someone will answer to help.
It would have helped.
In the long run though, I am better than ever. I feel confident and empowered.
My meds are JUST right which hasn’t been the case for TOO long as I switched between psychiatrists – my latest waiting 12 weeks between dosage changes and med changes and that was too long. If that happens again, I have the tools to know what to do. I won’t like losing my therapist but then again, I don’t want to lose me either.
For the first time ever I can tell you, I love this girl. And she means the world to me. And I will do what I have to do to keep her safe, empowered, happy and protected. Go into debt, act silly, whatever. Her happiness is my goal. So don’t worry, I’m back. I hope you’ll stay with me. As I said to my therapist, Shrinkette, I promise I will
ask for help WAY before I need it.
To paraphrase one of my favorite Ghostbusters, Winston Zeddemore, I have the tools and now I have the talent.
I journal OFFLINE and that journal is just between me and my Maker. I have a Circle of Trust and have taken GREAT measures to emulate my Howard-Hughes-like son who is obsessed with privacy as far as my facebook is concerned.
It took a long time to decide if I could continue my blog but I think it’s important for many people and in many ways. Maybe it IS a freak show that folks like to see. But maybe someone has BPD too and maybe some of the things I have said and plan to say will help.
I am here to be helpful. But the best part for me is that I AM HERE.
This post has also been crossposted on my blog located at BlogHer.com.