You can’t always get what you want

Isn’t that the truth? You can’t always get what you want? And who’d have thought I’d be looking to Mick Jagger for sage wisdom in my old age either, but there you have it.

And in this stage of my life, he’s right, as much as I hate to admit it. You can’t always get what you want but you do get what you need.

I want to be in Jerusalem and i never want to forget that.

O Jerusalem, if I should forget thee….

But what I need is to be here and to be safe from my own demons and to get better and get my health issues taken care of. And nothing hits that out of the park better than having a seizure in bed with nobody around like I did this morning.

That’s pretty scary because what would I do in Jerusalem if I needed help? My seizures are what keeps me here.

And the love of a boy who needs me.

And the love of a man who picked me up when no one else would and who tries every day to mend these broken wings of mine and set me right and who loves me even when I fall out of the tree he sets me in.

Even when I am at my worst like I am today. Which is pretty amazing.

So back to old Mick….no pun intended…we really may not get what we want because what we want isn’t what we need and what I need is to be where I am safe and right now that is here. I am safest with my family who know how to care for me – confining me to couch with my Laura Ashley blanket and cups of pink yogurt and English tea while I recover from the mind numbing seizure of the morning.

No it’s not what I want. I want Jerusalem but not alone and I can’t have that now.

Right now…I have exactly what I need and ironically, that’s what I want most of all.

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