For the guys who read my blog this is going to be really boring. Hell, for the gals who read my blog this probably also will be really boring but I just have to crow a bit.
You know how obsessed I am with my weight. I mean I went through a massively life altering surgery to get it under control and for the most part, medications excepted, I have remained pretty stable. Yeah, I have gained weight and yeah I have a problem with my blood glucose levels that is concerning right now and I have to deal with that but I do worry that I went through this all in vain and when I see the scales creeping up, I do start to freak a little. Regardless of whether my surgery was the right or wrong thing to do (and I would do it again despite the issues I have…so far the benefits of lowering my heart attack factors with a mother who died at age 40 of a massive heart attack from those very factors, well, I look at it like a pre-emptive mastectomy I guess) I live with it and I don’t want it to be in vain.
Soooo. Here I sat with an extra 430# packed on mostly from my anti-depressant medication. When I saw my doctor about my migraines, she put me on topamax which I must admit has been a wondermous medication despite what you might read online. I was a little apprehensive because of all the crap I’ve read. For me though it has cut me down from from daily migraines to 1-2 a month and if that’s not miraculous, well, I don’t really know what is. But I digress.
When we were discussing what she’d put me on she also mentioned topamax was wondermous because it would help me lose some of this excess weight. I, naturally, didn’t believe her even though I really wanted to. I was walking 3 miles a day pretty much every day and no matter what I did – exercise, 1200 calories a day…nothing helped. And of course, even the topamax didn’t help. I started that in August and so far, the weight wasn’t moving down even though I’ve stayed relatively stable. Which, I admit isn’t a bad thing.
I was considering a radical revision surgery until an online friend died from a revision surgery slightly MORE radical and then I just decided I was okay the way I am and remaining stable could be a goal in and of itself. Being alive and healthy was a GREAT goal and so I made it my goal and decided that was what I wanted more than being back to the thinnest I had been since high school.
In the meantime I also bought a new digital scale, mostly for Evan, who has been losing weight, and it seems, getting a LOT taller. I want HIM to be healthy but I also want him to monitor his weight loss, muscle mass and bone density so he does this in a healthy way. Of course I am using it too because I am at an age where muscle mass and bone density matter quite a bit too!
And the most fantabulous thing has started to happen. Well, two things. Motivating things, at least for me.
Since the scale has come, I have lost 6 pounds! And this has motivated me to MOVE a lot more! Not just once a day as in walking 3 miles in the morning but all through the day! I eat until my little Frankentummy feels full which is what I am supposed to be doing anyway. I fill it with fruits and vegetables and protein (corn is my current “thing”) and a little bit of starches and crazy stuff (okay, I raided the oatmeal cookies last night and had a Hershey bar) and every single morning I get a little tiny surprise. I don’t eat past my full point anymore. I try not to eat things that make me feel like death has come to visit. I drink more herbal tea and water. And I move a lot more. Stretching and bending more. I guess it’s back to yoga time for the winter 🙂
So I wanted to share this little victory. I don’t know if all of this plus the topamax is the key. I like to think it is because it’s supposed to be. And maybe it is. I am 14% to my goal and waiting for the first rebound weigh in because I am sure it will come and I am also sure it will disappoint me but after all of these losses I sure have a lot of success to look back on and know I CAN do it and I HAVE done it.
The scale also has an app that keeps track of the losses for me which syncs to the app I use for my UP band that I wear to track my sleep and steps every day so when I feel less motivated I can look at that too.
Motivation is key I think and I have a lot of that now. I just hope I can keep my enthusiasm together for the long haul and the rest of the 86% of my journey to goal!