For the guys who read my blog this is going to be really boring. Hell, for the gals who read my blog this probably also will be really boring but I just have to crow a bit.

You know how obsessed I am with my weight. I mean I went through a massively life altering surgery to get it under control and for the most part, medications excepted, I have remained pretty stable. Yeah, I have gained weight and yeah I have a problem with my blood glucose levels that is concerning right now and I have to deal with that but I do worry that I went through this all in vain and when I see the scales creeping up, I do start to freak a little. Regardless of whether my surgery was the right or wrong thing to do (and I would do it again despite the issues I have…so far the benefits of lowering my heart attack factors with a mother who died at age 40 of a massive heart attack from those very factors, well, I look at it like a pre-emptive mastectomy I guess) I live with it and I don’t want it to be in vain.

Soooo. Here I sat with an extra 430# packed on mostly from my anti-depressant medication. When I saw my doctor about my migraines, she put me on topamax which I must admit has been a wondermous medication despite what you might read online. I was a little apprehensive because of all the crap I’ve read. For me though it has cut me down from from daily migraines to 1-2 a month and if that’s not miraculous, well, I don’t really know what is. But I digress.

When we were discussing what she’d put me on she also mentioned topamax was wondermous because it would help me lose some of this excess weight. I, naturally, didn’t believe her even though I really wanted to. I was walking 3 miles a day pretty much every day and no matter what I did – exercise, 1200 calories a day…nothing helped. And of course, even the topamax didn’t help. I started that in August and so far, the weight wasn’t moving down even though I’ve stayed relatively stable. Which, I admit isn’t a bad thing.

I was considering a radical revision surgery until an online friend died from a revision surgery slightly MORE radical and then I just decided I was okay the way I am and remaining stable could be a goal in and of itself. Being alive and healthy was a GREAT goal and so I made it my goal and decided that was what I wanted more than being back to the thinnest I had been since high school.

In the meantime I also bought a new digital scale, mostly for Evan, who has been losing weight, and it seems, getting a LOT taller. I want HIM to be healthy but I also want him to monitor his weight loss, muscle mass and bone density so he does this in a healthy way. Of course I am using it too because I am at an age where muscle mass and bone density matter quite a bit too!

And the most fantabulous thing has started to happen. Well, two things. Motivating things, at least for me.

Since the scale has come, I have lost 6 pounds! And this has motivated me to MOVE a lot more! Not just once a day as in walking 3 miles in the morning but all through the day! I eat until my little Frankentummy feels full which is what I am supposed to be doing anyway. I fill it with fruits and vegetables and protein (corn is my current “thing”) and a little bit of starches and crazy stuff (okay, I raided the oatmeal cookies last night and had a Hershey bar) and every single morning I get a little tiny surprise. I don’t eat past my full point anymore. I try not to eat things that make me feel like death has come to visit. I drink more herbal tea and water. And I move a lot more. Stretching and bending more. I guess it’s back to yoga time for the winter ūüôā

So I wanted to share this little victory. I don’t know if all of this plus the topamax is the key. I like to think it is because it’s supposed to be. And maybe it is. I am 14% to my goal and waiting for the first rebound weigh in because I am sure it will come and I am also sure it will disappoint me but after all of these losses I sure have a lot of success to look back on and know I CAN do it and I HAVE done it.

The scale also has an app that keeps track of the losses for me which syncs to the app I use for my UP band that I wear to track my sleep and steps every day so when I feel less motivated I can look at that too.

Motivation is key I think and I have a lot of that now. I just hope I can keep my enthusiasm together for the long haul and the rest of the 86% of my journey to goal!


Life As A Headcase: Doctor, Doctor…Breaking Up Is NOT So Hard To Do

This is a post about me and my doctor. ¬†However, as weird as this may be it starts off with the story of my migraines but bear with me, we WILL get to the actual message of this blog…just hang in there and trust me.

Besides everything else that is going on with me, I also suffer from Chronic Migraines. ¬†I don’t know why this is…does anyone ever know what causes a migraine? ¬†Well, seriously, I guess some people can tell you what triggers theirs but I am not so sure anyone really knows what causes them.

Or even how they feel or how they present.

My migraines happen about 4 days a week.  My neuro was very conservative
and gave me 15 Fioricet pills a month. ¬†That’s one every two days or estimating a month containing just 15 migraines. ¬†With 4 headache days a week, my month has about 20 migraines. ¬†This caused me to hoard meds because I was always so afraid I’d run out JUST when I needed it. ¬†He also prescribed compazine for the accompanying nausea.

Still with me, because now we are at the heart of the matter…I told
you we’d get there right?

Now here comes the rant (because you knew there WAS one right?)  I had to
choose a primary care doctor so I picked one I didn’t know simply because all the ones I DID know either didn’t take my insurance or weren’t taking new patients. ¬†So I picked a guy I didn’t know but who was in a practice and could see me in a closeby office on Wednesdays (the day I can get a ride.)

Well, yesterday I saw him.  While I was in the hospital, my treating psychiatrists and doctors (yes, GPs) prescribed a couple new things (Abilify, Remeron) and changed a few things (Klonopin to Xanax and upped the Fioricet/Compazine cocktail to one time a day when needed.)
So here I am, going to see Dr. Pompous Ass. ¬†He didn’t get this name until yesterday but boy, he earned it. ¬†I get why he said what he did by the way. ¬†My rant is more about his attitude. ¬†Dick.

Anyway, I gave his nurse all my paperwork with all my new meds. ¬†Dr. PA walks in and says, “I don’t want to deal with all of your meds. ¬†I only want to deal with your regular meds. ¬†Your shrink can deal with your happy pills.” ¬†Then he started listing them.

After feeling like the biggest hypochondriac EVAH or at least a simulated medicine cabinet for the entire Israeli army, he concludes he won’t deal with my Lamictal, Compazine, Fioricet, or Remeron.
Well, for your information, Dr. Pompous Ass, the Lamictal is for seizures, the Compazine/Fioricet cocktail is for unrelenting headaches that I actually came to YOU for several months ago despite the fact my neuro had at ONE time prescribed the combo for a post lumbar headache I got. ¬†And…the Remeron, it’s not for depression, you ass, like I told you, and like I have asked you for for months, it’s prescribed so I can sleep longer than 2 hours at a time.


I am not even sure he put these back on the list but he treated me like I was a head case (okay, I am but I don’t need to be treated like one) and was actually rude. ¬†Scott was there and he thought the dr. was a pompous ass too.

I mean I get why he’d want my shrink to handle the cocktail of happy meds I am
on (I counted, I am on four altogether so its not like I am on some ungodly number) and that was fine. ¬†I am NOT fine that he won’t deal with the others so…

We broke up.

I haven’t told him yet since I have to see my new doctor first and that won’t be until August 27.

Don’t burn the bridge that renews your meds, right?

On August 27, Evan and I are changing to a really nice doctor who is a woman
(yeah!) and who also has a specialization in pediatrics as well as family meds. ¬†This should be really good for Evan since she’ll be able to understand the autism and how that affects him. ¬†I think that will be a win win for him and for me. ¬†I am not sure how she’ll handle my head case but I am confident that it HAS to be better than what I am getting now and even if it’s the same…I KNOW it can’t get worse.

The whole thing pisses me off but I don’t have a great rapport OR history with Dr. Pompous Ass so changing now is the right time. ¬†Also, this doctor is affiliated with the hospital I go to and I plan to hook her up with my shrink with a release so they can share information. ¬†As long as she deals with all of my OTHER meds I have NO issue at all with her passing the pipe of my happy meds to my shrink.

I just want what I need and what has been prescribed to be respected and
handled properly.  I want to be respected and treated with dignity and not treated like I am asking for something that I am not actually holding paperwork to show you it has been prescribed for me.

Let’s hope this works.